


flight 1842, leaving washington at 12:17

by transzoemurphy



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Airports, Angst, Disabled Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Non-con, JERE WAS STILL A CHILD, Jake has a wheelchair, M/M, Mind Control Aftermath, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Past Sexual Assault, Post-Squip, Trans Jake, Trans Jeremy, Trans Male Character, airport security, as he Deserves, because... duh, dillinjer - Freeform, idk how to tag this, jeremy has ptsd, past CSA, ptsd aftermath, somatic flashbacks, squip bashing, the squip can die !, tsa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 08:28:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17863886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transzoemurphy/pseuds/transzoemurphy
Summary: In which Jeremy gets stopped by airport security and promptly has a panic attack.





	flight 1842, leaving washington at 12:17

**Author's Note:**

> im not allowed to have an emotion that i DONT end up projecting onto a fictional character !!! god said i couldnt !!!

He was doing better, really. 

That's what he told himself. And for the most part it was true. Last night, when he'd had a panic attack while he and Jake were making out, that was the exception, but otherwise, it was good. It was okay. He was okay.   
Jake and Jeremy were flying home from Washington, where they'd been visiting Jenna and her mom's family for the past week. The trip there had been fine - as a trans person, Jeremy had been worried about the body scanners, and he'd worried about Jake's body scanner and his wheelchair, but the two had made it through.   
This airport, though, was much more visibly secure, and the lines were longer than the New Jersey airport they'd left from, and Jeremy didn't enjoy the experience very much at all.   
But he stood by Jake, who rubbed calming circles into his wrist, and he was kind of okay.   
They were at the front of the line - the lady in front of them stepped in and held her arms up, and was waved through. Jake went through next, also waved through a few moments later.   
Jeremy hesitated, not sure when to enter, and the TSA worker waved him in. "Your turn, honey."  
He stared at the positioning guide and assumed the position. This wouldn't be so bad.   
Three, two, one...  
The machine's doors opened and he stepped out only to be stopped by the TSA agent. "If you could just wait over here for a moment?"  
Jeremy began to shake with anxiety. Of all people selected for a "random" check, it had to be him.   
Well of course it was him, the Jewish transgender teenager with multiple mental illnesses; this shouldn't have been a surprise.   
The cartoon-like figure on the screen lit up with a yellow box covering the area from his stomach to his knees.   
The lady who had waved him through said something to her coworker before stepping back. "What's your name?"  
"J-Jeremy Heere?"  
"How old are you, Jeremy?"  
"Seventeen."  
"Is your mom or dad here?"  
Jeremy shook his head. "I'm travelling wi-with my boyfriend, actually, h-he's the one in the wheelchair?"  
She scanned the area for a second before spotting him and waving him over.   
"What's wrong?" Jake asked, panicked.   
The lady gestured to the screen. "The screening area picked up some abnormalities in your boyfriend's groin and thigh area. The law requires we do a pat-down just to be safe."  
Jake nodded. Jeremy blinked back the tears and ignored the headache that was beginning to develop.   
"Jeremy," the lady said, "your plane ticket reports your sex as female, but you present as male. Would you prefer to be searched by a male instead?"  
Jeremy shook his head. "No, it's fine."   
"Would you like to stay here, or would you prefer a private room?"   
Jeremy could hear his heartbeat in his ears. "Here is, is fine." There was definitely a "here"/Heere joke there, but Jeremy was too scared to find it.   
"Okay."  
Jake watched anxiously as the lady began to explain. Blood rushed through his ears and he squinted, relying partially on lipreading to understand. "The way this will work, is, I'll use the back of my hands-" she demonstrated "-to pat down the area indicated by the yellow box. Is that okay?"  
Jeremy nodded. He didn't have a choice.   
Whenever he and Jake did anything, Jake made sure to emphasise that Jeremy had a choice. He didn't have to do anything he wasn't comfortable with.   
Now he did have to. He didn't have a choice now. He didn't have a choice with Chloe, either.   
The lady began the pat-down with his left leg, and that's where Chloe had positioned her hand when she'd begun to pin him down, and the lady's hands, as she'd said, pat down his thighs before switching to his other leg repeating the same thing.   
He wasn't crying but he was trembling and he knew he was still in the airport, obviously, but a part of his brain was in Jake's parents' room with Chloe on top of him, prying his legs apart, and the lady pat down his stomach area and nodded when she came up with nothing, and Jeremy was still shaking.   
"Are you okay?" She asked, and Jeremy nodded, lying.  
He could still feel the words "you're the hottest girl in school" spilling from his lips when he'd never even thought that was the case, he'd always thought that of Christine, never of Chloe.   
"Come over here," she said, and Jeremy did, Jake following behind.   
She took a small piece of paper from a container labelled "drug testing" and asked Jeremy to hold out his hands, which he did.   
Ten seconds later found him marked clean from drugs (but he didn't feel clean after what Chloe had done) (what the Squip had done? It didn't matter) and she told him he was good to go, so he did, and Jake took his hand and rushed him out of the area and into a long hallway lined with windows and held out his arms.   
Jeremy climbed up into his lap and Jake put a hand on his shoulder and the other on the wheel, rolling the wheelchair back and forth.   
"I just want it to stop," Jeremy whispered, and Jake nodded against his shoulder.   
"Can you breathe with me?" Jake asked. He began breathing more exaggeratedly, and Jeremy tried to copy his breaths.   
"I wanted it to stop and she didn't stop. Why doesn't anyone stop? Why can't they just stop?" In his anxious movements, his thigh bumped against the arm of Jake's wheelchair, and he flinched back like he was burned. "I told her to stop and she didn't and I told it to make it stop and it didn't, it just kept me there and I don't want to have to think about it anymore but the memories don't ever stop."  
"Jeremy..." Jake ran a hand through his hair. "It's okay, love. It's okay. You're safe."  
"I'm sorry," he breathed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, um."  
"You have nothing to apologise for," Jake said. He shifted slightly. "Is it okay if I just kiss your cheek?"  
Jeremy took a breath. "Yes."  
Jake pressed a kiss to his cheek and then settled back into the position he was in.   
See, Jeremy? Safe. He asked, and he didn't force you into it. You're safe.   
Jake held him for a few more minutes until Jeremy wasn't trembling as hard and was able to say, "I saw a, uh, a Coldstone? I think I need ice cream right now."  
"I think you need ice cream, too," Jake said. "Do you want me to carry you?"  
"Mm... yeah," Jeremy decided. "I love you a lot."  
"I love you a lot too."

**Author's Note:**

> hi i’m nik and i HATE airports. follow me on tumblr @trans-zoe-murphy


End file.
